Amazing (:

So other than my failing grade in geometry, everything in school is super amazinggg. &+ this weekend was so awesome, I visited Johnson & Wales University with my cousin, he got in for the culinary part of it, & I want to go there for fashion merchandising. I'm going again in April, so I can hear about their bussiness program. I'm really excited- it'll be the third time I have taken a tour there lol. I LOVEE it though, uptown Charlotte is gorgeous, & the closest thing to a city that North Carolina has. So me and Stephen are going to live there when I'm finally out of high school. So you could say I'm happy/nervous. (; This school is my first option- if I don't get in, then I don't know what my backup will be- it will probably be this all girl's school in Raleigh, called Merideth. They have a fashion program also. I want to be somewhere in the fashion feild. Hopefully someday I'll be creating the clothes, I just have to stick my foot in the door first & learn how to sew. I WILL make it happen. &+ I want to collaberate to bring a fashion show to UCEC. I want to bring fashion into NC, almost like the next New York, I don't know that it will work- but it's worth a shot.

I've also come to realize- looks ARE everything wherever you go. Hardly anyone will listen to you, unless your somewhat good looking. That's just the reality of it. It's become a fact. The clothes, hair, makeup & body make the person in this shallow world. I'm shallow, but not to the extent the real world puts it.

I've realized

That I am intelligent, & i am going to be something someday. I recently did a speech about fashion in the 1920's, and got SO many complements on how great it was. I had people who weren't even in that class listening to it, say that they heard that mine was awesome. My confidence level just rose times a million. & It hasn't exactly been high lately. I was discouraged about what I wanted to with my life, because I felt dumb. People rubbing their grades in my face didn't exactly help. Like, uhm, unless I ask you I don't want to know. But thanks to talking to my boy & getting all of those complements, I feel so good about myself & it encourages me to do even better the next time in everything.

(: Turn it into something else.

I get these urges to do what other s do all the time. To look like someone else, to act like them, to have what they have. It's always in the back of my mind. But the fact is- I'm always going to be my cruelest judge. I need to step it up & turn my envy into inspiration. Instead of wanting what someone else has, just be content with what I have; I am so beyond lucky. I've always wanted to have all of these ritsy, fancy clothes. But that doesn't tell anyone anything- all it says is that you can afford that Gucci bag, or that you can buy a pair of Jimmy Choo stilettoes. If you can turn something that you bought from Target into a masterpiece, then you truly are an artist of the fashion type. It's creativity that people look for, not who has the most expensive item of clothing. I try to put things together that are trendy, yet different. I love reading fashion blogs & going on Polyvore. I want to make it in this industry more than anything. But at this moment, I'm a little discouraged, because of my math grade, if I can't get it pulled up, I don't know if Johnson & Wales is going to happen. A's & B's in everything else- BUT MATH. ugh. But I'm trying (: So I guess that counts. & fashion is still my big dream.

All Over the Place

So I'm a JUNIOR already. I remember when i first started attending UCEC. I was a flirty, little, loud freshman that probably had a lot of haters, considering i loved flirting and attention. I've changed so much since then. I'm super quiet now, & I have no clue why. I don't know , I guess it's because Stephen gives me all fo the attention I need. But sometimes I miss being loud & fun. I wish I could go back to that person. The only time I am that person again, is when I'm with Stephen or a couple of my girlfriends. Any other time I don't really feel comfy doing that. I feel like I'll be judged in a bad way. I have toned down a ton since then. It's good yet bad, because some people think I'm snobby, but I'm far from that. I'm just self-concious sometimes & nervous & shy. I don't now how to be all smooth as I was anymore. But I'm trying to go back to that, to hanging out with my girlfriends more & saying things that just pop into my head. &+ being more chillllll. &+ not taking what I have in life too serious. You only get one life & I don't want to look back on it and think that I did nothing with it.
Yeah, I know, I'm all over the place, but I needed to get it out.

They'll always be there

Ohh how this year has made me realize who my true friends are. I used to think that the quantity of friends is what mattered, now I'm realizing that quality plays an even bigger part in choosing your friends. I hate how you put so much trust into a friend, and then all of the sudden- it's all gone. There's no more talking to them everyday or inviting them places. Everything is all thrown away for new people. No one's feelings are considered in this process. I know I'm not the best friend in the world, but I don't treat people like their my backup friends, incase my other ones get old. I never thought that, Early College, of all places would be this bad at turning friends into aquantances. I guess I have to move on, but it's really hard when you've had so many amazing memories with people. It makes me want to take my true friends, put them in my pocket, and keep them forever. Just to have safety in knowing thatI'll always have honest people there for me. Truely, there are only about two or three people at my school that I even trust. Friends are difficult to find these days, ones that won't drop you anyway. Sometimes I wish there was peace in Hight School; no drama, no stabbing in the back, and no losing contact with great friends. But then it wouldn't be High School, would it?

Kind Patience

So in the past year and eight months of my relationship with Stephen, I've learned so much about myself. People say that they want to meet their "other half". I've definately achieved that goal. He's so much alike me, yet so different. He makes me so calm and collective. Making me get my shit together and encouraging me to do well makes me a better person. I know I should not ever change myself for another person, but he has opened my eyes to things that people have never told me. And it makes me want to better myself. Lies don't come around with him, he is always blunt- sometimes it hurts my feelings, but I know he's only trying to help me cope with how the real world is going to be.

Never in my life have I met such a person; so different, confident in his own way, and lollipop sweet. It brings tears to my eyes to realize how lucky I am to have him. He's my best friend and love. There's nothing more I could ask for in a person to be with. I see my friends struggle with guys all of the time. I feel so bad, because I havent dealt with that before. Being treated like shit hasn't been a part of this relationship for one second. He makes mistakes, but so does every one around us. Being perfect is impossible, but in my eyes, he's the closest thing there is.

I definately feel like I've become a more chill, confident, and patient person because of him. It will take a lifetime to thank him for this. An angel is what he is and I pray to God, thanking Him everyday for bringing him into my life, especially when I needed him most. Basically, Stephen is what I've always wanted and always need. <3